Better Day

It's not a bad day, I have been calculating the finance for my household.  Where does the money go? Well I know some is getting saved for something other than bills.  If you add up what comes in per month and what should go out, and there is an excess; then you are suppose to be doing good.  Not, not were I live. Someone has been dupping us.  He is a straight up asshole.  No matter how I calculate and what I calculate it still comes up with an excess that I don't get to see.  Yes, it is time to move on. Hell what will I be missing.  Exactly! Need to spend the weekend looking at cheap hole in the walls to find one suffient enough for me and my baby.  Just have to jump right out there and do that. And soo today is a better day.

I prayed and I prayed

I prayed and I prayed and I prayed. It just doesn't work.  I ask for undrstanding, I ask for wisdow, I ask for knowlege.  I ask to get to know god and his son Jesus.  I just doesn't work.  how do I get god to listen to me?  I think I need to get someone else to speak for me.  I see that he listens to others, why not me. Well maybe I have to pay my dues before he will listen to me.  I love you Jesus I love you God please Love me back. 

Just venting

I am trying here. I am in my late 30's, married for 10 years and I want out. I want to get a divorce and leave. I want out. Why don't I just leave? Very easy for you to say. I said I was trying here. I'm trying to wait it out, let the kids get older and get gone, let the economy get better, trying to get my credit score better so that I can find some place to live. I know that I should just leave, but, to go where? I'm trying to learn to make more money and you know it's not easy. I leave to do hair, I'm learning to invest money, and I am learning to sell on ebay. I need help, some resources, some advise, some courage. NO! he is not beating me but I feel the abuse never the less; the constant arguing about the very very very little things. I can't look at him a certain way, I can't speak in a certain way, I can't sleep in a certain way, I can't eat in a certain way, don't mention my name, the ask a question, don't answer a question, don't breath at all. Yeah, and I have no one to blame but myself, I put up with this shit for way to long. Waiting for my kids to get grown and gone. Nope, I don't have long one just turned 18 the other will be 17 in a month and wow there's the baby who is 10. Now I can handle the one for a few more years but not the three of them together. So I wait and I try to stick it out, and I try to make more money, and I try to survive with as much integrity as possible. I said I was trying and so I will keep it up.

Have you noticed that Blockbuster is becoming less of a friend

It just so happens that all the things I use to love about blockbuster have now gone down. One was the online rentals. Blockbusters use to have it was you should not be without a movie. You take the online rental back and get an in store rental and they would send you out a new online rental as soon as possible. NOW, you take the online rental back and get an in store rental and you have to take the in store one back before you can get another online rental. I don't know about you and am not trying to speak for everyone but WHAT IS THE PURPOSE FOR GETTING THE IN STORE RENTALS WHEN YOU HAVE TO BRING THEM BACK TO GET THE ONLINE TO SEND YOU A MOVIE? I have went from unlimited in store exchanges to 5 in store exchanges to no in store exchanges at all. It's just not worth getting the instore movies if I can't get anymore from the online until I take the instore ones back. I may as well just wait for the online rentals and keep my money. And now I am signed up with netflix or whatever it's called I will see how fast they get a movie to me. Then I will leave Blockbuster alone all together.