Just venting

I am trying here. I am in my late 30's, married for 10 years and I want out. I want to get a divorce and leave. I want out. Why don't I just leave? Very easy for you to say. I said I was trying here. I'm trying to wait it out, let the kids get older and get gone, let the economy get better, trying to get my credit score better so that I can find some place to live. I know that I should just leave, but, to go where? I'm trying to learn to make more money and you know it's not easy. I leave to do hair, I'm learning to invest money, and I am learning to sell on ebay. I need help, some resources, some advise, some courage. NO! he is not beating me but I feel the abuse never the less; the constant arguing about the very very very little things. I can't look at him a certain way, I can't speak in a certain way, I can't sleep in a certain way, I can't eat in a certain way, don't mention my name, the ask a question, don't answer a question, don't breath at all. Yeah, and I have no one to blame but myself, I put up with this shit for way to long. Waiting for my kids to get grown and gone. Nope, I don't have long one just turned 18 the other will be 17 in a month and wow there's the baby who is 10. Now I can handle the one for a few more years but not the three of them together. So I wait and I try to stick it out, and I try to make more money, and I try to survive with as much integrity as possible. I said I was trying and so I will keep it up.